Pages of forgotten thoughts remembered fill my desk top. Poems from past infatuations, fantasies, dreams, cravings... Words describing what I thought had been paradise, amazement. Funny reading them now and knowing what bullshit that all is. Knowing how fake all of it was...what a pure waste of time it had been. Too bad we don't just know what will and won't work out right away. I guess that's how we learn though, right? Too bad we don't have a say in the matter of choosing what lessons we have to endure. Oh well, though. It can be entertaining to read my old notes...the way I used to think and feel. Reminds me how much I've changed for the better. My most favorite thing, though, is finding something that I don't remember writing. Always boosts my confidence when I find a good piece of writing that I don't remember writing..
I'm looking forward to the start of 2010. It will be a nice new beginning. Maybe next year I can forget all the bullshit of 2009 and just start over. Forgetting all of the drama and bullshit would be lovely. I just really hope that '10 will be better. '08 was nice...maybe it's the even years that are lucky? Who really knows. I just know that I will do my best to make next year count. Make it worth something. I just need to dust off my life...clean it out and throw out the trash. I seriously need to get my priorities in a row....figure out what's truly important. That's always the challenge though, isn't it? At one point, a certain thing or person is your entire world...then not long later...you don't even want to think about them. Guess that's all a part of growing up and moving on in life. I'm just ready for a drama and bullshit free time. I want to have some fun, see the people I know I care about. Ready for the bills to be paid, the sickness to be healed, the homework finished, the grades achieved, the future known. Just ready for it all to begin and to start over. Start fresh..
Christmas could of been better, but it could of been worse too. Mom and Caad went to the hospital on Christmas Eve because Caad couldn't keep any food down. We all kinda thought they would run some tests, give him some fluids, and they'd be home by the end of the night. Unfortunately, however, this was not the case. He ended up staying for a few days, but he seems a lot better now. Not having Mom there on Christmas morning was rough. I was fine playing Santa, but it was just weird not having her there. The kids liked their stuff though, so that's good. Then I went to my grandma's. Saw my dad. And my dad's a whole other subject I rather not venture into... Then on the 26th we all spent 14+ hours helping Leslie and Derek move into their new place.. I can't say I did much though, Grandma wouldn't really let me. I'm glad she didn't, though.. My back's killing me. Then today we went over and helped out some more.. Glad it's all done..
Got some cool things this year.. so I'm grateful for that. Things are going decently, I suppose. Ready for school to be back in. Though the deadline of the end of the semester is kinda making me sick...but I'll get 'er done like always.
Things will all be okay. I'm sure of it. Just gotta stick it out and stay strong. All one can really do anyway. Miss my friends and the peace of my house. Hopefully it will all come back... Hopefully 2010 will be a kick ass year.. =]
I'm looking forward to the start of 2010. It will be a nice new beginning. Maybe next year I can forget all the bullshit of 2009 and just start over. Forgetting all of the drama and bullshit would be lovely. I just really hope that '10 will be better. '08 was nice...maybe it's the even years that are lucky? Who really knows. I just know that I will do my best to make next year count. Make it worth something. I just need to dust off my life...clean it out and throw out the trash. I seriously need to get my priorities in a row....figure out what's truly important. That's always the challenge though, isn't it? At one point, a certain thing or person is your entire world...then not long later...you don't even want to think about them. Guess that's all a part of growing up and moving on in life. I'm just ready for a drama and bullshit free time. I want to have some fun, see the people I know I care about. Ready for the bills to be paid, the sickness to be healed, the homework finished, the grades achieved, the future known. Just ready for it all to begin and to start over. Start fresh..
Christmas could of been better, but it could of been worse too. Mom and Caad went to the hospital on Christmas Eve because Caad couldn't keep any food down. We all kinda thought they would run some tests, give him some fluids, and they'd be home by the end of the night. Unfortunately, however, this was not the case. He ended up staying for a few days, but he seems a lot better now. Not having Mom there on Christmas morning was rough. I was fine playing Santa, but it was just weird not having her there. The kids liked their stuff though, so that's good. Then I went to my grandma's. Saw my dad. And my dad's a whole other subject I rather not venture into... Then on the 26th we all spent 14+ hours helping Leslie and Derek move into their new place.. I can't say I did much though, Grandma wouldn't really let me. I'm glad she didn't, though.. My back's killing me. Then today we went over and helped out some more.. Glad it's all done..
Got some cool things this year.. so I'm grateful for that. Things are going decently, I suppose. Ready for school to be back in. Though the deadline of the end of the semester is kinda making me sick...but I'll get 'er done like always.
Things will all be okay. I'm sure of it. Just gotta stick it out and stay strong. All one can really do anyway. Miss my friends and the peace of my house. Hopefully it will all come back... Hopefully 2010 will be a kick ass year.. =]
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